I have taken a hiatus doing my Tuesday Teatime with you the last few months. I am hoping to continue on having tea with you as we are in the middle of so much change while packing and storing our home away for a time while we wait in limbo, and as my dear Mr. Darling searches for a new ministerial call. Throughout these last several months I have been working on myself. A lot of anxiety and stress had overcome me to a point of depression and caused me to believe something was direly wrong with my health. I had everything checked out by the doctors who had but only good news of my health. So, what was wrong and why was I feeling like I was going to die? Was I going crazy or was this all in my head? I had no clue that anxiety, stress and depression would overcome someone to the point of almost giving up. I didn't think I was one of those people. Well, I am one of those statistics. I had so much anxiety built up and held in...I was making myself literally sick over it. Now that I have learned what the problem is I am under the doctors care of managing my anxiety. It has been almost three months of working on it. I have felt this overwhelming feeling of happiness which I had lost and didn't realize it before. I have been happier and smile more and feel like a new me is emerging. So very much like the metamorphosis of a butterfly. I have found enjoyment in reading nonfiction, sewing again and just being present with my family. I am certainly and probably always will be a work in progress but I feel right now, this moment that I can really fly.
When I think of a butterfly I think how remarkable these winged creatures are. They are beautifully designed by God. Their life cycle carries a lot of meaning and symbolism parallel to the growing process of a growing Christian. I have had many moments throughout my life of experiencing "Metamorphosis", becoming a new creature in Christ. It has been a long road of transformation. I have experienced hurt, sorrow, pain, loneliness, judgment, and condemnation.... Just as many people do. Throughout these trials however, God helps me to emerge from these things, growing me and changing me inside my cocoon, just as a beautiful butterfly emerges and sours high above.
From the beginning we are fragile and require nourishment, and protection until we have matured and are ready for the next phase of life. From our "egg we hatch" but we are just a worm stumbling and inching along while consistently growing and changing. Like the growing caterpillar, we "molt" and shed our outgrown skin, shedding layers of our former selves. Once matured the caterpillar cocoons itself preparing for the next phase of life as it shelters itself in a secret dwelling place and finds comfort and healing. Our 'Spiritual" cocoon is a place where God takes all of those things and replaces them with His word, His creative works, His Holy Spirit and His love. With time and patience and even rough roads and bad weather the creature inside has to break out and shed layers of it's old self until it finally breaks out and spreads it's wings. Before it does that the cocoon of many species becomes transparent...Before we can become effective, we shed the layers of our former selves God requires us to be transparent, that we can be a living example of His greatness in our lives.
Inside the cocoon, the caterpillar goes through major transformations, It is no longer a fuzzy worm inching on the ground. It has grown wings that are beautifully colored, taking new shape and form it emerges from it's secret place. The new creature is not used to it's new form, just as we change we are not used to our new forms. But the butterfly realizes it has capabilities and masters flying. As Christians we grow and change and our cup overflows from the digestion of God's word and applying it throughout our life. But at some point it is time for us to break free from that cocoon and soar to greater heights. We can grow so much more than we think. We are all uniquely designed, fearfully and wonderfully made, handcrafted by the Master's hands, varying in gifts, talents and abilities. There is no need to covet someone else's "wings" when God has a purpose for each of us. And it is His perfect timing and for all of the seasons or stages in our lives. Isn't that beautiful to think we too are like a butterfly designed for a great purpose by our Heavenly Father?
Yes, as I mentioned before I am still a work in progress. I feel like I am finally feeling those wings. Perhaps I need more time shedding those layers off. I am growing and changing every day. I am feeling the joy that was always there but almost lost it...Perhaps I was blinded or just didn't see my potential. I am grateful that God is opening my eyes and showing me I do have great potential, to be brave and to let go of the old life and emerge into a new life...
It can be scary...But, He is such a loving, patient Father.
Let's chat soon,